SivaLabs

Social media is a double-edged sword. If used properly, it can be immensely helpful. Personally, being on social media, especially on Twitter, helped me to connect with amazing people across the world. This in turn gave me a lot of opportunities such as learning from the experts, job opportunities, a chance to write books, speaking at conferences, etc.

Having said that, being on social media is also very stressful. Not everyone online is kind or polite. Some people feel unhappy or frustrated in their lives, and they use the internet to take out their anger on strangers.

I have been in my share of debates and heated discussions on social media. I’ve tried quitting Twitter many times, but I always come back because I don’t want to lose the benefits over some bad experiences. Instead, I’ve learned how to handle those people and use social media in a positive way.

A couple of months ago, I was talking to a friend, and he said:

You suddenly became so calm, not getting into any arguments at all on Twitter. What happened?

I have my own opinions, and sometimes they clash with those of people I admire. Usually, we talk respectfully and agree to disagree while staying friends. But some people use personal insults, play cheap tricks to get a response, or keep provoking you over past disagreements.

These debates and heated discussions suck a lot of your time and energy. I got tired of these angry people and want it to stop.

So I thought about it, studied how these arguments start, and came up with tactics to handle them.

In this article, I would like to share my learnings.

Think about where to spend your time and energy

I have limited time and energy each day, so I must choose wisely. Heated debates drain a lot of energy, no matter who wins. Before jumping in, I ask myself, Is this necessary? and Is it worth my time? If I still feel it’s important, I wait 15 minutes before replying. Usually, I decide to let it go.

We usually get into these debates to defend something we believe in, and we may think it is important to take a stand for it.

Remember, for most people these debates are nothing but a popcorn time.

No everyone deserves a reply

Every tweet/post/message has context, but it can be lost or misread.

If someone asks genuine questions to understand your point, feel free to explain. If they only want to provoke or prove you wrong, don’t engage.

For example, let’s say I tweeted I prefer Maven over Gradle.

If someone replies:

• May I know why?
• Care to share what problems you are facing with Gradle?
• I have been using Gradle, and I am happy with it. May I know what features you have in Maven, but not in Gradle?

Good, reply to them. These are good replies that are trying to understand what you said, and you can engage in those conversations.

If someone replies:

• Convince me why I should use Maven over Gradle in 2025
• Maven sucks, I don’t believe why anyone still uses it

Bad, ignore them. These are not the people who want to understand what you said, or has any interest in having a meaningful conversation. Don’t reply to them.

Some people ask even very basic questions which they can figure out by a simple Google search. But they want you to do that Google search for them. Don’t reply to them.

Respect your time.

Don’t engage in conversations with bullies

Some people build their empire over time by sharing their knowledge, opinions, and sometimes infusing fear into the public. If someone doesn’t agree 100% with their ideology, they can’t take it. They go all the way to twist your words and use their cult followers to bully you.

Simply reply at once to clearly state what you said and end the conversation from your side.

“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” - Mark Twain

You can switch “stupid people” with “snake oil salesman” and this rule still applies :)

Use mute and block freely

As I mentioned already, there is no shortage of people who are frustrated in their lives, and they just want to vent their anger on someone.

If someone is bothering you again and again, feel free to mute or block them.

You still welcome polite, professional criticism. But there is no need to tolerate jerks.

Take constructive criticism, but mute/block jerks.

Don’t push your ideology on others

Our experience shapes our opinions, and it’s fine to share them. But we shouldn’t assume our way is the only right way.

For example, again as I mentioned earlier, I do not have good experience with Gradle and Maven worked flawlessly for me over the years.

But imagine, somebody is developing Android applications, and they are using Gradle tool. They mastered Gradle, developed their own plugins, and their team is very happy and productive with Gradle.

Then imagine me telling them, You should not use Gradle.

If they are happy and productive with it, who the hell I am to tell them what build tool they should use?

You can have your opinions and preferences, but don’t push them on others.

This mindset simply eliminates a lot of arguments.

• You like Lombok. - Great
• You hate Lombok and you never want to use it. - Fine, good for you.
• You don’t have any problem with using Field Injection. - Sure.
• Hexagonal Architecture working great for you. Fantastic. Please share your experience.
• You like to write Mocks by hand instead of using Mockito. I am happy for you.

Never impose your ideology on others unless you are going to bear the consequences.

Summary

Every day I have many things to take care of. There are family duties, work timelines to meet, and if you are 40+, like me, there are health concerns to deal with.

Taking care of all of these itself is a challenge, and there is no need to add more chaos.

Knowing how to use social media wisely and managing unpleasant things/people makes a big difference.

I hope some of the points I shared might help you.